The Pie Whisperer

Proof that Dolf Lundgren might be the greatest entertainer of...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 21:24:05 -0500

Proof that Dolf Lundgren might be the greatest entertainer of our time.

The cake my amazing wife made for me.

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:18:24 -0500

The cake my amazing wife made for me.

The Wii Money Pit

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0400

We’re coming up on thr 3 year anniversary of the release of the Nintendo Wii. Coincidentally, we’re also coming up on the 3 year anniversay of my putting off the purchase of a Nintendo Wii. Delaying my purchase during the first two years was easy as it was hard to find a Wii sitting on the shelf. The past year I’ve been seeing them everywhere, so avoiding the purcahse has been a bit more difficult, but I have managed - coming up with excuses not to spend money comes quite easily to me. With the rumored price drop to $199.99 US just around the corner, though, I felt that the time for me to pony up for a Wii had come.

Until I started doing the math:

(Prices in Canadian Dollars. I’ve guessed at the new Canadain price. The rumored new US price for the Wii is $199.99)

$229.99 for the Console
$59.99 for the Wii Play (and an additional Remote)
$29.99 for an addtional Nunchuck
$59.99 for Wii Sports Resort (and a Wii Motion Plus Controller Thingy)
$29.99 for an additional Wii Motion Plus Controller Thingy
$99.99 for Wii Fit

Total: $509.94 (taxes not included)

For a console that I’m still not sure I really want, that’s a hell of a lot of money (especially for the one that’s perceived to be the least expensive). Now I realize that I could trim down on the initial purchase, but not without consequences. My wife wants Wii Fit so cutting that out could land me on the figurative couch. My kids (mainly my older daughter) loved the sword game that’s part of Wii Sports Resort, so getting a Wii and not getting the game they enjoyed would probably put me in the running for some kind of bad Dad award. Of course, if I’m getting Wii Sports Resort, then I need to get an additional Wii Motion Plus Controller Thingy, which means I also need to get an additional remote. Realistically - if I don’t want to end up in anyone’s bad books - I can cut out the additional nunchuck, saving me a whopping $30, dropping my total down $479.95. For $150 less, I could pick up a new 360 Elite bundle (that comes with a 120 gig hard drive, a wireless adapter and Halo 3) which would definitely get more use (by me, at least).

So maybe the $199.99 US price drop isn’t enough for me to finally make the Wii jump after all. I wonder if it’s going to be enough for anyone else who hasn’t jumped on the Wii bandwagon yet, too.

V-Neck T-Shirts = Fail

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:00:00 -0400

Yesterday I picked up a pack of white t-shirts. I was in a bit of a rush when I picked them up, so I really didn’t pay too much attention to the packaging. It wasn’t until this morning when I opened the package (and by upon, I mean tore to shreds) that I discovered I’d bought v-neck t-shirts. In my entire history of wearing t-shirts, I don’t think I’ve ever wore a v-neck t-shirt, but I was in a bit of a rush this morning so I put one on and went off to work.

When I got to work I realized that the button-down shirt I’m wearing looks funny when it’s buttoned up one down from the top. Awkwardly funny. So I undid the second button, which wouldn’t have been an issue if I was wearing a crew neck t-shirt. But I’m not and with the v-neck, it looks like I’m not wearing anything under my button down shirt, which is a problem.

You see, I’m not “shirt wide open exposing his chest” guy and that’s exactly how I look now. It’s bugging me. Really bugging me. To the point I actually considered going out at lunch and buying some new t-shirts to change into. I decided against that, though, as in a brief moment of sanity I realized that such an act was a little too neurotic, even for me.

So for the rest of the day, I’m swarthy open shirt guy. I think I might go home early.

All Hail The Public Library

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0400

I’m a book snob. At least, I used to be. I refused to read books that had bent spines - books I’ve read look like they’re brand new. I refused to read hardcover books to the point that I’ve actually gone out and bought paperback versions of books that I’d previously received in hardcover. Yes, I really was that much of an elitist when it came to books. Not anymore, though.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. So much so that if I kept up at the pace that I’ve been tearing through books, I’d be spending well over $100 a month on books, which isn’t so bad except for the fact that I’m already spending well over $100 a month on comics and in these lean economic times, any place I can cut back on the spending is appreciated.

Thankfully, the interweb works in strange and magical ways. As I was contemplating this book spending dilemma, Barron twittered about re-newing some library books on his library’s website, which prompted me to check out my local library’s website to see if this was a feature they offered, which they do… and much more.

Now let me step back a second. As a result of my book snobbery, I hadn’t stepped foot into a library (let alone have a library card) in about 15 years. The last time I checked out out a book, there was a little card in the back that the librarian stamped with the book’s due date, so needles to say, I was a bit surprised how much the library experience has changed since then.

Now (being a proud library card holder!) I can go on to my library’s website, see what books are available, if they’re out see when they’re due back in and then reserve them, which is quite possibly the best part of my library experience. Now I don’t have to go looking for books. When I reserve a book online, I get an email confirmation letting me know it’s ready to pick-up and all I need to do is grab my book(s) off the reserve shelf, turn around 180 degrees, scan my books, swipe my card and grab my receipt. I can be in and out in less than five minutes and with absolutely no human interaction which for me, really appeals to both my geeky and anti-social instincts. To top it all off, I can also reserve audio books, DVDs and - coming later this month - even video games!

So now I’m hooked and am preaching the word of my public library. If you haven’t been to your local library in a while, it might be worth checking out.

(Pun intended.)

Not The Same Old Magic

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0500

The past weekend I decided to jump back on the Magic: The Gathering Online bandwagon. It had been a year and a half since I’d last played (typing that makes me feel a bit like an addict. “Hi, my name is Kyle and it’s be 520 days since I last tapped for Mana.”) so I had expected to find that all of cards and mediocre combos that I had devised would be completely useless against the current crop of card releases; what I discovered was something that - for me - was much worse.

Although I played M:TGO quite often in the past, I was still a very casual player. I was never too concerned about having all of the über cards to create crushing combos and unbeatable decks. I played the cards and decks I enjoyed playing regardless of how powerful (or, more often in my case, powerless) they were. This casual approach to deck-building made me a big fan of the Theme decks that Wizards of the Coast (the publisher of Magic) would put out with every new set of cards.

Theme decks were 60 card (the standard Magic deck size) pre-constructed decks designed for a certain play-style (rush, drain, control, etc.) without having to spend hundreds of dollars on booster packs to build those decks. The majority of the money I’ve spent on Magic has been on Theme decks as not only were the of great value (usually around $15) but they were great opportunities for me to try different play styles (I’m typically a rush playin’ guy) on the cheap and well as offering me a solid foundation of a deck to tweak as I became more comfortable with the cards.

Unfortunately, Theme decks are no more.

Starting with the previous Magic expansion, Shards of Alara, Theme decks have been replaced with Into Packs. These Intro Packs have a 41 card pre-constructed deck and a booster pack. They still follow the same pattern as the old Theme decks (based off play styles) but it really bothers me that for same price as the Theme decks, we’re now getting less cards (56 in the Intro Packs versus the 60 card Theme decks) 15 of which might be completely useless with the 41 card pre-construct red deck. I had always applauded Wizards of the Coast for giving new or casual players the opportunity to only spend $15 and have all the cards they’d need be able to play a proper game of Magic.

I realize the Wizards of the Coast is a business and Intro Packs mean that players have to spend more but I had always found that once someone got hooked on Magic, spending money on cards became second nature. I guess I’d rather spend the money after I get hooked on the game rather that having to spend the money to get hooked on the game.

I was playing Need for Speed: Undercover this morning and while...

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0500

I was playing Need for Speed: Undercover this morning and while I was in the middle of a high speed escape from the cops, I raced past a billboard that I had thought had an ad for Toronto Blue Jays tickets. After I zoomed past it, I convinced myself that I must have read the sign wrong. I know that EA has been putting ads in their racing games, but I’d never seen one that was so localized to me (I live about an hour outside of Toronto), so I kept on Need for Speeding, keeping an eye out for another billboard, which of course, I found. My eyes hadn’t deceived me. There was an ad for Jays tickets in the game.

I know that some find any type of in-game advertising annoying and intrusive, but - depending on the situation - I don’t mind it, and in some cases, actually enjoy it. In a game like Need for Speed: Underground, driving past a billboard that has a real ad rather than a made up one (“Buy Oink Zero - America’s Number One Zero Calorie Pork Soda!”) adds another layer of immersion into the game. When I race past an ad that I’ve seen in real life, I feel like I’m more a part of that world.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go order some Jay tickets.

Captain Rex: Rock Star

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Captain Rex: Rock Star

WoW is the New Star Wars

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Star Wars has always been my comfort zone. It was the first movie I remember seeing. The first toy I can remember asking for was the Millenium Falcon. I had the digest-sized version of the comic book adaption that I read every night. Star Wars has always been a part of my life and because that, it has always been like comfort food for the soul. If I’m in a bad mood, popping one of the movies (preferably Empire Strikes Back) in the DVD player is sure to make me feel better. Reading a Star Wars book or comic feels like catching up with old friends. To me, Star Wars just feels like home.

Now I can say the same about World of Warcraft.

I didn’t even realize it, at first. I’ve been reading the comics, bought (and rarely played) the trading card game, bought the miniatures game, played the MMO (of course), but it wasn’t until I picked up Warcraft 3 that I really made the connection. You see, I had somehow managed to convince myself that I enjoyed Real Time Strategy (RTS) games. After trying quite a few over the past several months I realized that the only ones I enjoyed were Star Wars RTS’s; it was being able to play around in Star Wars universe that I enjoyed. The same can be said for Warcraft 3. Playing through the campaign I’m coming across all the RTS tropes (like micro-management) that would normally cause me to stop playing a game, but because it’s Warcraft, I’m sticking with it.

I was feeling pretty lousy over the weekend (a cold, sore throat and a pinched nerve in my back that’s causing a lot of trouble) and felt the need for some “comfort.” Instead of grabbing a Star Wars DVD or book, I booted up World of Warcraft, which in hindsight really amazes me. In the three years that I’ve been exposed to the wolrd (of Warcraft) that Blizzard has created, I feel just as home with it as the universe I’ve been sharing with Star Wars fans for the past 30 years, an accomplishment that - to quote Darth Vader - is impressive.

Most impressive, indeed.

Hooters Huh?

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400

This past weekend I went to Hooters for the first time. What a treat that was.

I should mention that I was a little biased even before stepping foot into the place. Originally, me and a few friends had planned on making a small afternoon to a burger joint that served “Family Packs” of 10 burgers (amoungst other things), which I had planned on trying to consume by myself. Unfortunately, plans got changed and we decided to eat somewhere local. The Hooter’s had opened up in my town about a year ago, but had never found a real reason to go in. To be honest, we really didn’t have a good reason to go in this time (there are much better local places to eat, especially if you’re looking for wings) aside from having not eaten at one before, so we did.

And I will never do it again.

I ordered a plate of fried pickles and 10 hot wings. The pickles would have been okay, if I had eaten them as soon as they were served to me. Unfortunatley I didn’t and by the time I got around to the bulk of them they had softened in their own grease. I’m pretty indescriminant when it comes to eating and even I found this a little off-putting. Then there was the wings. Do people really like the wings at Hooters? They completely lacked flavor; they tasted like fried nothing with an un-flavored hot sauce added to them. They were greasy, too. My friend bit into one and grease shot out it.

Not dribbled.

Not dripped.

Shot out.

Like a cannon.

Right at me.

Not even the Hooters girls impressed me. Our waitress (who was probably the most attractive of the group, which isn’t saying much) had a couple fingers in a metal splint, which really didn’t work with the whole tank top and orange hot shorts outfit.

There aren’t too many places I will resign myself to not eat at, but Hooters has made that list. Kudos, Hooters. Kudos.

The Art of Cool

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400

This morning I decided to stop off at Starbucks for a tall House Blend (note: I only order “tall” drinks at Starbucks out of fear that I’ll mis-pronounce the other sizes). Ahead of me in line is a very stylishly dressed guy who eventually took way too long at the coffee add-in mini-counter area thingy. Anyhoo, Mr. Stylish was outside of the Starbucks after I finished modding my House Blend (half & half and a lid, in case you’re keeping score), leaning against his Toyota Corola, smoking a cigarette, trying to look cool as hell. Now I’ll admit, he had a lot of things going for him: slick haircut, nice clothes and some fancy sunglasses. Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter who you are, what you’re wearing or what you’re doing, there’s just no way to look cool leaning up against a car that has a back windshield full of cute stuffed toys on display.

McRib-Fest

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0400

I’m a sucker for limited time only foods. Slap a “special edition” or “only available for a short time” label on something and chances are I’ll buy it. Case in point: the McRib.

Monday brought the triumphant return of the McRib (in Ontario). The flyers and billboards started showing up last week, and not only were they trying to push fake rib goodness on me but they (McDonald’s, the advertisers, etc.) taunted me with the fact that the McRib would only be around “while supplies last.” This, of course, triggered the panic button and as a result I’ve had 4 McRibs in two days and I don’t plan on stopping. The funny thing is, I’m not even sure if I like the McRib. The one thing I do know is that I’m a sucker and I have no idea when the McRib is going to come back once it’s gone, so I’m going to get my fill while I can.

Peanut, Peanut Butter

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Today is National Peanut Butter day in the US. I would imagine it’s celebrated in Canada, too, but I’m not sure; I didn’t see any “To a special friend on a special day, you’re the jelly in my PB&J” cards at Hallmark, so I’m not a hundred percent. Regardless, National Peanut Butter day is a holiday I can get on board with ‘cause I love me some peanut butter. I’ve become a bit of a snob when it comes to smooth peanut butter, too.

About a year and a half ago I picked up a jar (are they still called jars when they’re made of plastic?) of Kraft Extra Creamy peanut butter and it was a watershed moment in my life. (Yes, I know it’s sad that a new type of peanut butter would have such significance on my life.) It’s a little lighter and and so much smoother than regular Kraft creamy peanut butter that I can’t even bring myself to eat ‘regular’ smooth peanut butter anymore. I’ve tried. Couldn’t do it. Ended up throwing out the jar.

I don’t know how long Kraft Extra Creamy peanut butter has been on the market, but I fear the day I go to the grocery store and find out it’s been discontinued. I’ve seen many a style of peanut butter come and go (honey roasted crunchy peanut butter, you left the world too soon!) but I don’t know if I could stomach a world without an extra creamy peanut butter.

Meet The Grapple

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Last night I got home and my wife stuck an apple in my face.

“What does this smell like?” she asked.

Crap. Not even home for five minutes and I’m already being tested.

“I dunno. It smells good, but it doesn’t smell like an apple,” I responded.

“It’s smells like grape Kool-Aid. Smell it again.”

So I did. And she was right (as she normally is).

This is how my fascination with the Grapple began.

I stood in my kitchen and as my wife detailed her daily adventures, I kept smelling that grapple. How had such a thing existed without me knowing? How and why did the grapple come to be? How is it pronounced? Is it pronounced like Snapple or like grape with an “le” on the end? Why am I paying so much attention to a piece of fruit when I should be listening to my wife?

My wife had been introduced to the grapple earlier this year and, apparently, she had told me about it at the time (note to self: start paying more attention to my wife in 2008) but yesterday was the first time she had seen one in a store and was compelled to pick them up to prove to me that her stories of an apple that tasted like a grape were real. Being quick on my feet, I pretended to remember our previous conversation about the grapple and apologized for not believing her. Then I grabbed my laptop to begin my search for all things grapple.

So now you’re probably wondering why I my next step was to research the grapple instead of actually eating one. There were two reasons:

I wanted to eat the grapple with a blank palate (I had just had an espresso);
My wife paid $4 for 4 grapples, and while in the grand scheme of things a buck isn’t a big deal, but a dollar hybrid apple should not be eaten lightly.

I jumped on to Wikipedia to immerse my self in the story of the grapple, but found nothing. Immediately I assumed that my wife had just played a clever prank on me, spraying some regular apples with grape sent, molded a plastic clamshell storage case out of broken kids toys and created some elaborate packaging labels in between potty-training a 3 year old and dealing with a teething 5 month old. I then remembered that my wife lacked the custom mold injection skills to create such a ruse, so I continued my research.

The only piece of information I was able to find was an older article on the Guardian Unlimited website, dated December 2004. Apparently the grapple was patented back in 2002 and targeted towards fat kids who really didn’t like the taste of apples. (I’m paraphrasing here, of course.) The process takes a Fuji apple and marinates it in a secret compound that give the apple the flavor of a Concord grape. Anyone want to take bets that Concord grapes are part of that compound?

This morning I passed on my usual “wake me up” cup of coffee and finally tried the grapple. Damn, was it good. Nice and crisp, with a good grape flavor and a slight hint of apple after-taste, similar to what you’d find in a fruit juice that uses apple juice as a base. By the time I had finished my grapple, I was hooked. Needless to say, as long as my local grocer has the grapple on it’s shelves, it will be a mainstay in my fridge’s fruit crisper.